The blog is an extract from a message written a few years ago.

Let’s talk about sex baby….. Errrm, actually let’s not.

Now if there’s one thing the church of Jesus is, is INCONSISTENT. One denomination will teach members not to be physical in any way shape or form in order to preserve the brother-sister relationship should the relationship not work. Some will permit cuddling, others will encourage couples not to share beds overnight, some will insist couples date in groups and others will not touch the subject. So imagine my lack of surprise when talking to other Christians about dating, relationships etc and discovering that most people had such varying opinions.

When it comes to teaching on relationships, dating & sex the church isn’t doing enough to equip the youth of today with godly knowledge and sound doctrinal teaching on this issue. I see a lot of recreational dating in the church and see young adults changing partners as frequently as Kelly Rowland changed her wigs during XFactor. Lord have mercy!

The one thing the church does teach in a very basic 101 type way is the message of sexual abstinence. Even this is done in the conventional ‘sex is a gift from God and only meant for married folk´ type of way. Yet as long as two people have functioning organs and can engage in sexual activity if they choose to, they’ll need a deeper understanding to persuade them to do otherwise. The church does not do enough to equip its body –especially young people- with the correct understanding of the type of gift sex is and why we are encouraged to engage in it within the confines of marriage. Hosea 4:6 tells us that a lack of knowledge destroys the people, so as the church it is our corporate responsibility to impart that knowledge to those without it. Rehearsing the line that sex leads to a baby makes me yawn, its old, tired and doesn’t scratch the surface. Sex is also to be enjoyed and that is what draws people in. Some people think that if they are enjoying it and not getting pregnant/keeping the baby – there’s no evidence of the sin and they can consequently keep doing it. This is the mindset the church needs to break down.

Sometimes when you multiply you also end up dividing

I was ministering to a friend on sexual purity and the Holy Spirit dropped a word that even had me like daaangg! When it comes to sexual relationships and entertaining the spirit of lust, think of every person you’ve ever been sexual with – and now imagine you they’re queued up outside your bedroom on your wedding night. How many people do you want your spouse to have to fight through to get to you? That’s why it’s also important to break soul ties (google it).

For every piece of you that you gave away, imagine your spouse has to spend the night going to reclaim them back from your exs and past sexual lovers – would you want them to have to go through that pain. You can’t be with multiple people without creating a bond, it doesn’t even have to sexual or physical, it an equally be emotional. But for every person you connect with in a relationship based on Eros love, you leave a piece of you with them. Another man knowing how you think, what turns you on, how your lips taste, what makes you hurt or happy – It’s with them for life. Be careful about the pieces of yourself you live with/in other people.


The church preaches sexual abstinence but at the same time who is going to teach on emotional and mental abstinence & the repercussions on the heart, mind & spirit? Sexualisation doesn’t only happen in the bedroom, it happens in your mind and heart. Media, entertainment etc has created an environment that encourages us to lust and thirst after members of the opposite gender. If it isn’t Rhi rhi posting pics of her nakedness on Instagram; its topless adverts of David Beckham trying to sell perfume. Lust as a spirit has enveloped the world and this isn’t something new. Sexually motivated crimes are soaring the world over, because people are consumed by the spirit of lust, some are trying to recreate porn/anime-esque fantasies and other have lost self-control.

Lust in itself is potentially more dangerous than the way it is manifested because it changes the heart and mindset of the person it has now held captive. The physical sexual act is one thing, but the spiritual transaction is another. What has occurred in the spiritual heart & mind has a longer lasting impact than the act itself. The connections and bond people from with their sexual partners exist once that partner has been & gone. The attitudes that are built towards sex last long after the act is over.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then come Shelly Ann with a baby’s carriage???

In school we would tease one another with the limerick that heads up this section. However, this isn’t necessarily representative of modern day society, and not even within the church. It’s a rarity for love to come first, then marriage and then for Shelly Ann to come strutting in her yummy mummy heels pushing her baby’ carriage. Nowadays the remix flips it on its head like – first comes like, then comes love, then comes co-habiting, then comes baby. Marriage rears its head somewhere down the line.

So like all things in life, our attitude to sex must be governed through the lens of boundaries. The church needs to help people understand why we have those boundaries in the first place and provide practical ways to maintain them. Pastor’s, talk to your congregation about sexual morality & youth ministries, educate your youth on sexual purity.

Let’s talk about babies. Now let me put something out in the hemisphere before I get inundated with a barrage of tweets & comments, a baby is always a blessing. I repeat, ALWAYS! To keep a child especially when you’re young or when you don’t feel prepared in life is a noble thing. Afterall, not everybody makes the decision to bring their child into the world and the expectations of many lives are cut off by the hands of their parents. We are still seeking the cure of cancers & HIV/AIDS, but who knows if one of the hundreds of millions of lives lost through abortion could have found the cure? So thank you for honouring the life God has given you charge over.

But life is a gift and a gift is something you’re given and do not take. Are you still with me?  There is marked difference between picking your present from under the Christmas tree AND having someone pick it out for you and hand it to you. Life is always to be protected and respected and the circumstances through which a child is conceived should not be held against the destiny of that child if you get my drift. However, promiscuity within the church is why we attend more baby showers than weddings. We all know the correct scriptures to quote, we’re all sinners and so we know how to repent. But its because we know how to repent that our sin remains hidden, people deal with it by themselves and the church is increasingly reluctant to talk about sexual sin. When they do, it’s sometimes a brief chat on sex that is left in the hands of the members to adhere to, and work it out with God. Church, we need to do more. Imagine we had to go and confess to another person or stand before a priest or community and confess our sin – surely we’d think twice about the way we slip up right? Imagine if God held a tally of promiscuity against each church and on judgement day the church leadership were held accountable – I’m sure the body would do more.

Just because you’re not having sex with another person doesn’t mean you’re not having sex.

It’s sad because we have so misunderstood sex as a concept and act, that people honestly think they can watch pornography and boast to be virginal abstinent Christians. Even within the church we now have such a warped view of sex that many honestly feel that they can do everything under the sun that doesn’t involve penetration and be on the right side of sin.

Back in April, my pastor preached on family and amongst it all he shared a word on the ills of masturbation and the spiritual implications. He said that if you replicate a sexual experience with yourself, guess what, you’ve just has sex with yourself. When he said that I was thinking to myself ‘drop the mic, church is dismissed’. That was one of the realest statements I’ve ever heard come from a pulpit in a message about family & sexual purity in the home. Just because you’re not having sex with another person, taking yourself to a sexual dimension designed to be enjoyed by two people means you’re having sex with yourself and in doing so, only God knows how many other spirits are present. Likewise, pornography not only has physical implications, its warps the mind through fiction. The gift of sex as given by God is based on real love not lustful fantasies. Even to those that are married, there is no place for pornography in your bedroom. Do not defile one another nor your marriage by building an altar to pornography.

This is something that I feel has crept in to the church as a result of blurred lines. The old school church is too scared to teach on sex, the new church is too scared to sound like its condemning. So it’s a topic left untouched. I’m NOT condemning anybody, I do not sit enthroned above the circle of the earth nor do I look down on the world and view us like grasshoppers – read Isaiah. But I do hope to convict somebody. Grace covers and it covers those who repent, but let’s be REAL with ourselves when it comes to sexual purity and the church. I don’t expect the church to take register or have a roll call to see who was sexually faithful or abstinent that week. But I do expect the church to rebuke the lies that have infiltrated the church. I do expect the church to equip its members with the correct knowledge and I do expect the church to also be a safe place where people can seek answers to the things they do not understand.

So, once again I hope you enjoyed the post and it gave you plenty of food for thought – just call me a spiritual soup kitchen!

So let’s spread the word, feed a spirit, encourage a soul!